Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Things I Won’t Miss


On the flip side (this is continued from yesterday, remember?), you’ve got the less desirable aspects of deploying into a combat zone.  There are certain things you accept when heading downrange.  When you volunteer to deploy, you know (or should know) it’s not going to be like your typical week-long TAD trip in a Doubletree Hotel on Uncle Sugar’s nickel.  There’s no maid to clean up after you and leave a mint on your pillow.  So you man up, shut up and deal with it.  While I freely accept the degradations to my quality of life, it doesn’t mean I have to like them.  Or bear my burdens meekly and in silence.

I won’t miss:
  • Separation from family and friends
  • Food that tastes like ass
  • Long hours with no days off (177 straight work days as I write this)
  • Oppressive heat
  • Toxic dust blown into my every nook and cranny by high-velocity winds
  • Overpriced and unreliable Internet
  • The dicks upstairs with their inflated sense of self-importance
  • Interminable conference calls with long-winded nimrods at Tampa
  • Barbers whose repertoire begins and ends at “high-and-tight”
  • G.O.-1
  • No beer
  • Body armor
  • The pervasive smell of sewage
  • Getting rousted out of bed in the wee hours to fix the chiller at the data center
  • Rocket attacks
  • Wondering if the Hajji who scoops my ice cream by day spends his nights hosing off rockets in our general direction
  • 40-grit toilet paper
  • Cheap mattresses
  • Punching in a cipher code or combination to open any door (including the laundry room)
  • Living in a tent
  • Eating with plastic utensils off a cardboard tray
  • Man-Love-Thursday jokes
  • Pairs of F-16 taking off at full burner at 2AM
  • Duck Butter
  • Standing in line for 20 minutes at the DFAC on Soul Food Sunday or Surf ‘n’ Turf night
  • Overcooked meat, pasta and veggies (okay, they overcook everything but the tubs of Baskin-Robbins)
  • Did I mention “no beer?”
  • The overtime

No comments:

Post a Comment